Category Archives: Highschool

Take Me Back…with Women’s Rights and Modern Medicine

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1850_fashion_ridingI wish I could go back in time to Victorian England, but with antibiotics and rights..

Think of all the fun they had. I mean, they went to balls and soirees! They Waltzed and Fox Trotted! I want to Fox Trot. We had cotillion in middle school, but my parents thought it would be too boring and stuffy. So, now I just keep dreaming of the day I can Fox Trot.

But moving on, let us not forget the gossip of The Ton! I bet they had the absolute best gossip ever. Basically everything was looked down upon, so it made a wrong doing even more scandalous. A simple embrace in the gardens would mean automatic marriage or a duel at dawn. Name your seconds!

AND FOR PETE’S SAKE, THE CLOTHES. They had the most magnificent clothes. All the men dressed dashingly and the women wore the most beautiful gowns. None of those basketball shorts or jeans, only dresses and suits of all different colors, in amazing fabrics. Ladies wore feathers in their hair and men wore top hats! Though, now that I think about…I could live without ever trying on a corset. Those cannot be good for one’s respiratory system! No wonder women were prone to fainting spells. I’d say if you can’t breathe, it would be pretty obvious that one is going to faint all the time. But really, a dress made out of pink silk sounds like Heaven…sigh.

Ooh…and rogues and rakes! The ones the ladies thought they could tame and make suitable enough to be their husbands. The ones the marriage-minded mamas told their daughters to stay away from. They gambled a bit too much, they drank whiskey instead of port, and they were dark and brooding! They sound so much more exciting than the stiff upper lip simpletons. Though, there was always the off chance that you could be married off to a fortune hunter or a man three times your age..or a fortune hunter who is three times your age. And you wouldn’t be able to stray, because that’s not what proper young ladies did back then.

Lastly, writing letters! They wrote actual letters to each other. Who does that on a regular basis now? It used to be the norm! The feeling when you get a letter addressed to you is the best. If I could only ever write letters as means of communication, I would.

Okay, I realize that I probably read too many historical romances and watch too many Jane Austen movies. It all just seems so delightful, if you ignore all that pesky oppression and disease. Someone please invent a time machine.

I would…but I have to go to high school. Sigh.

Hormonal Fiends.

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Yesterday, while trying to quickly finish my Spanish assignment before the last bell rang, I overheard a conversation between a group of fiendish hormonal boys. They were discussing what they liked in their “chicks,” but did any of it have to do with personality? Whatsoever? No. It only had to do with the size of the girl’s breasts and arse. Because apparently that’s the only important thing when it comes to dating a girl.

These boys are about fourteen, they’re tiny whippersnappers and they’re talking about how they’re only interested in having sex with girls and nothing else. I’m just sitting there thinking that how in the world are they going to have sex? They can’t drive, they’re literally five feet tall, they have the worst body odor, and I would bet my life that they would pee themselves if given a sexual opportunity. But most of all, what self-respecting girl would go out with them? They’re dogs. Rabid, hormonal, degrading, dogs.

They talked about girls as if our only purpose in life is to be attractive to them. It felt like I had transported back to early Qing China, where the woman’s only purpose was to be pretty and have children.

I was literally about to thrash them upside the head with my textbook.
But then the bell rang.
Lucky for them.

What I Learn in Health Class…

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When I stepped into Health class the very first day of the new semester, I was expecting to learn about how we should save ourselves for marriage and all that jazz or how to put a condom on a banana (I’ve always wanted to try). Maybe if I was really lucky, we would get to see pictures of STDs (I’m a ghoul, I’m fully aware). But what I didn’t expect to learn in Health was my teacher’s personal life…in alarming detail. Here is what I’ve learned in Health for the pass three months:

1. One day, he went to check his email, but oh wait…his wife’s email was open. Instead of signing out like a respectful husband, he decided to open an email from a man, a man she was having an affair with. Gasp! Apparently, this man was her boyfriend in high school… oh the scandal! When Coach Finkle found out, he threw the computer out the window in a fit of rage and despair. I feel like he could have just punched a wall instead, but he threw his expensive computer out of the second story window. Sigh.

2.He proceeded to tell us that she only cheated on him emotionally, but that was enough to make them go to counseling for a year to try to save the dregs of their marriage. Sadly, after a year they were divorced. How did he cope with said divorce you ask? He wrote in his journal, then once he was finished with it, he threw it into the fiery depths of his fireplace!

3. Coach Finkle saved himself for marriage. Why, why, why would he tell us, his students, this? Is it his way of telling us it’s Worth the Wait? Also, I really don’t want to know that he has great sex now. Like whoa cowboy, hold your horses. Think about what you’re about to say and if it’s anything about your sexual life, then just hold it in.

4.When he was younger, he enjoyed taking his dates cow tipping. Classy.

5. When he was a wee teenager, such as myself, he experienced…enraged hormones in his car. Now really, why did he need to bring that up when telling us to drive safe and sober? That information was very much unneeded. I had nightmares for months. Gross. Just gross.

6. He went into detail, gory detail, about the birth of his newborn child. He told us everything. There are some things that I can never unhear, and that’s one of them. Gah.

That’s what I learn in Health. Not, you know, puberty and sex stuff. Who needs to know about that? It’s not important or anything. I would much rather learn about Coach Finkle’s personal life. But yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is my Health teacher.