Category Archives: Paranoia

Hello, My Name is Stressed Senior

Posted on by
1

MV5BMjA5NjIzNzcxNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODU3ODUxMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR6,0,214,317_AL_Y’all I’m about to be a senior in two weeks, which means school starts in two weeks. I can’t deal with is, where did my summer go? Wasn’t I suppose to go on some grand  life- altering adventure this summer? Wasn’t I suppose to be productive? I know for a fact that I was suppose to have already finished my online classes by now, I mean for Pete’s sake it’s  been almost three months and I still haven’t finished. Netflix is too much of a seductress, it lures me into it’s television trap until  I’m nothing but a shell of a  productive girl. Also, Taylor the Latte Boy is quite the distraction…sigh.

Furthermore, the fact that summer ends in two weeks means that I’m about to be thrown into the whirlwind of college applications, essays, and rivers of tears. There’s so many unanswered questions I have like, where am I even applying?  State or Private school? Big city or small city? In state or out of state? How expensive is too expensive? What are my life goals? This is too much for little  ‘ol me to handle, I’m going to explode from the buckets  of stress that have descended upon me.  Why is the college application process so completely and utterly terrifying? I’m terrified…and stressed. Never forget stressed.

Moreover, I blew off reading my summer assignments and now I must read two books before school starts and retain all the information for school. Y’all procrastination is never your friend, it may seem like it at the time, but it lies. Don’t give into procrastination, be productive instead. You’ll thank yourself later, trust me. I would know. Although, the fact that I have a timed writing on the second day of school is ridiculous. Are they trying to kill the students? That’s just plain rude.

Wish me luck, I’m going to need it this year.

 

 

Can’t Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me.

Posted on by
Reply

I really should be sleeping right now, I mean I have to wake up for school in five hours. But sleep just won’t love me tonight. But you know what does? Paranoia. That’s what. Because apparently when one wants to sleep, that’s the best time for one’s brain to realize everything one is paranoid about. Such as…

*Never being able to turn in my Macbeth vocabulary set because the school magically combusted into flames. Ms.Trunchbull would still count off points, which would lead to a low-grade in English! That’s just unacceptable.

*Allen becoming Dictator of the World. Y’all if Allen became dictator of the world,then we would all be learning how to play Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon. Our currency will probably end up becoming Yu-Gi-Oh cards…

* The fact that I have to audition for choir in front of the scariest choir director ever!Dr. Childrish will probably tell me that I should just surgically remove my vocal chords because I can’t hold a note to save my life! I’m not even taking choir again next year. This is just a cruel and unusual punishment!

*Never being able to go whale watching because I randomly developed a fear of water. Oh gosh, then I’d have to stop going to the beach…that just won’t do.

*Drunkenly getting a tattoo but oh wait! The needle hasn’t been sterilized! Thus, I end up getting a horrible life altering virus!

*Becoming a revenge demon. They’re hideous creatures…or at least they are on Buffy. They should all really look into getting a face lift.

*Being young forever because I accidentally drank from the Tuck Everlasting pond…which by the way, was such a bad idea! Think of all the bacteria festering inside of it…

*Someone tattooing the Swastika to my forehead while I’m unconscious due to being hit over the head with a bowling ball. Then, for the rest of my life people will think that I’m a Neo-Nazi. Mothers will tell their children to stay away from me and angry mobs will throw rotten carrots at me as I walk past! That’s just a life I don’t care to have.

* That if I fall asleep, an evil psycho clown will come to eat me. But really, clowns are the creepiest party animals ever. Why do we need creepy old men with face paint on to come to our birthday parties?

Now, I’m off to sleep loves…well I’m going to try to at least.

The Glooming Cloud of College is Fast Approaching

Posted on by
1

Tonight, my aunt and uncle came over for dinner. What was the topic of conversation you ask? College.
Henrietta, where are you going to college? What do you want to major in? Do you want to go to graduate school? What do you want to be in life? What do you want to name your first-born child? These questions are rather nerve-racking. And there’s something y’all don’t know about me, I worry…about everything. So really, asking me all of these questions really isn’t helping me be a normal functioning person.

Now all I can think about is how I’m going to be homeless because I don’t know where I want to go to college or what I want to be, and because of that I’m going to develop a horrible drug addiction, because I won’t be able to live anywhere and I won’t have any money because no one hires crack heads to work for them.
I might be overreacting..just a little bit.

But really, everyone shoving college down my throat like it’s Thanksgiving turkey is killing me. Maybe I want to become a starving artist? or maybe I want to go to the Olympics? I mean I’d have to pick up painting to be a starving artist..and i’d probably have to pick up table tennis to be an Olympian…I guess college is the best option. But damn, my cranium is about to explode with all of this college talk.

You know what would solve all of this? If I was psychic,because then I would know what would happen and everything would be magical. I should work on making that happen.Soon.

You Should Get That Checked, It Could be Cancerous!

Posted on by
3

I’ve grown up in a household where the crimson textbooks full of infectious diseases and parasites were the normal things to read about. Because every seventh grader wants to know about parasites, didn’t you know? So why my family laughs whenever I tell them they might have a cancerous mole on their thigh  is beyond me.  They really should have seen this coming.

Cancerous mole you say? Well yes, you could very well have a mole full of evil on you!If one of your moles is oddly shaped,changes colors( from black to brown, not pink to green…), or if it’s scaly! Whenever I see a mole resembling something of that sort I feel the need to tell the people around me that their mole is cancerous. I don’t want them wandering about town with a giant mole of death on them! It’s really the polite thing to do.

Now that I’m thinking about it, just before my dad’s last dermatologist appointment I told him he should get the mole on his neck checked…and guess what happened when he went to the dermatologist? She removed it! She said she didn’t like the looks of it, that it might be CANCEROUS.

So moral of the story,everyone should listen to me when I tell them they might have a mole full of cancer on them. I’m obviously a cancerous mole whisperer.