Category Archives: Rant

I Need a Job for the New Year, Please.

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve come to the sudden realization that I’m a complete and utter moocher of others. I mooch off of my splendid pesky parents, my friends, and my cute barista(or is it baristo?). So basically, I mooch off of everyone I know and I’m putting my size eight foot down, this instant.

article-0-1B3F4ADB000005DC-831_470x616

By putting my foot down, I’m now out in search of a job. A minimum wage paying job. Any job will do. Of course, I would much rather prefer to work in places like The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf or The World Market rather than McDonalds and Burger King. Places where I won’t have any chance of smelling like ketchup, as well as  accidentally tripping into a deep vat of boiling grease. Trust me, I would be the one person that would happen to.

In addition, I honestly want to like the job. Which is a lot to ask for I know, but I don’t want to dread going to work like so many of my working friends do. I want to enjoy the work I do, even if it’s only folding clothes and standing at a cash register,while getting yelled at by an unhappy middle aged customer. Angry customers and tedious tasks will be at every job, but good coworkers won’t be. Coworkers either make or break the level of enjoyment in a job, at least that’s my observation from being at Starbucks everyday.

It shouldn’t be too hard to find a good job, right? Right.

Hello, My Name is Stressed Senior

Posted on by
1

MV5BMjA5NjIzNzcxNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODU3ODUxMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR6,0,214,317_AL_Y’all I’m about to be a senior in two weeks, which means school starts in two weeks. I can’t deal with is, where did my summer go? Wasn’t I suppose to go on some grand  life- altering adventure this summer? Wasn’t I suppose to be productive? I know for a fact that I was suppose to have already finished my online classes by now, I mean for Pete’s sake it’s  been almost three months and I still haven’t finished. Netflix is too much of a seductress, it lures me into it’s television trap until  I’m nothing but a shell of a  productive girl. Also, Taylor the Latte Boy is quite the distraction…sigh.

Furthermore, the fact that summer ends in two weeks means that I’m about to be thrown into the whirlwind of college applications, essays, and rivers of tears. There’s so many unanswered questions I have like, where am I even applying?  State or Private school? Big city or small city? In state or out of state? How expensive is too expensive? What are my life goals? This is too much for little  ‘ol me to handle, I’m going to explode from the buckets  of stress that have descended upon me.  Why is the college application process so completely and utterly terrifying? I’m terrified…and stressed. Never forget stressed.

Moreover, I blew off reading my summer assignments and now I must read two books before school starts and retain all the information for school. Y’all procrastination is never your friend, it may seem like it at the time, but it lies. Don’t give into procrastination, be productive instead. You’ll thank yourself later, trust me. I would know. Although, the fact that I have a timed writing on the second day of school is ridiculous. Are they trying to kill the students? That’s just plain rude.

Wish me luck, I’m going to need it this year.

 

 

Why Not the Gift of Intelligence?

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

Hello again lovelies!This past week I went to go see Maleficent with my  super cute boyfriend, Taylor the Latte Boy, and overall it was a pretty neat movie but I have one major complaint.

download

Throughout the entire movie, I couldn’t help but think that Sleeping Beauty was probably one of the biggest dunces in all of fairytale history…well besides Snow White.  All Sleeping Beauty ever wanted to do was wander through the Moor and be friends with all the fairies and terrifyingly hideous tree people! Sleeping Beauty  wanted to run away from the charmingly quaint cottage she lived in with her three aunties, who sacrificed the ability to fly to take care of her cursed self for sixteen years,  to go run off into the arms of the woman who cursed her? Capital idea Sleeping Beauty! Round of applause!

Furthermore, that girl needed a Sassy Gay Friend to tell her that running off  after being told she’s cursed probably wasn’t the  best  idea she’s ever had. Honestly, you find out you’re cursed and you choose to go to the one place in the kingdom that has all of the spindles? Also, why weren’t they all destroyed? There was literally a room full of the one item that would cause her to fall into a deep sleep…a.k.a. a coma! C’mon King Phillip, get with the program. Those spindles were no where near destroyed. Tsk. Tsk.

Lastly, when the three aunties were giving her gifts, why couldn’t they have given her the Gift of Intelligence? They gave her the gift of beauty and to be loved by everyone, but not to have common sense? The Gift of Intelligence would have  come in handy for her, especially when  she walked the woods alone at night…didn’t she know about the Big Bad Wolf? No common sense, I tell ya! Sleeping Beauty also would have known how to talk to people other than her aunties and fairies…that scene with the prince was cringe worthy! She became a mute..because of a boy asking for directions! Also, I find that being loved by everyone would also have it’s setbacks…for example, stalkers? They basically gave her the gift of stalkers. Good job aunties!

Y’all I haven’t been able to stop ranting about her lack of intelligence to my boyfriend…and it’s been a week. It really did a number on me and I just had to share it with you.

All I Want for Christmas Are Plain M&Ms…

Posted on by
Reply

Y’all, I go to lots of movies.  You could even venture to say that I am a movie fanatic. Part of the full movie experience is what you get beforehand; for example, I get plain M&Ms and butter-free popcorn. Yet somehow all of the local movie theaters have stopped selling plain M&Ms!

All they have is pretzel and peanut M&Ms. Now, why would I want to eat pretzel M&Ms with my butter-free popcorn? That’s throwing the salty and sweet ratio off balance to where it is down right putrid! All I want is to be able to buy  my wonderfully boring candy at the theater, instead of having to drive to the local Walgreens to get it. Because sometimes we end up missing the previews! Which I highly look forward to, especially if I’m seeing a romantic comedy or if it’s at Alamo Drafthouse.

Maybe, the world has decided that it hates plain M&Ms or me…unlikely but still …or a new super villain is trying to take over the world but to power their electromagnetic wave gun and freeze guns they need all the plain M&Ms in the world! Otherwise, this super villain shall never be able to reek havoc among us civilians! This super villain can’t use the pretzel and peanut ones due to the fact  they end up melting the innocent (in some cases) victim instead…which is rather messy and it leads to a rather rancid odor. This scenario is much more likely.

I realize this is a very silly thing to be perturbed about, but y’all plain M&Ms are meant to be with popcorn. They’re food soul mates! All I want is to have my wonderfully boring M&Ms once more. Please.

Also, what the heck are Red Vines? Fake Twizzlers?

Pretty Little Liars: Why All the Gasping?

Posted on by
Reply

watch-pretty-little-liarsPretty Little Liars came out on Netflix! I was really excited about it because I believed I could be Nancy Drew and figure out who A is! But alas, no such luck. I haven’t given up hope, though! But there are some things in the show that I just don’t understand.

Such as, why didn’t they go to the police when they received the first A text? I never understood why they would keep letting themselves be blackmailed. Why would they keep that a secret when it led to their best friend being murdered? The police have more resources than they do. If they had, they would have never been arrested…multiple times.Their records are pretty lengthy by now.

Also, why do people believe them when they say they’re okay after giving their phone a wide eyed deer in the headlights look? Saying it’s your mom or dad who texted you is the worst lie in the city of Liarville. Worst. They could tone down the gasping too. It looks much too suspicious and it worries me that they might have asthma.

And really, if one is trying to keep one’s illicit affair with one’s teacher a secret, I recommend not making out in the middle of Town Square and also not getting in fights at school…where one of them works…that’s less than secretive.

Also, they seriously need to lock their freaking doors. Why would you leave them unlocked when someone is trying to kill you? That’s an actual death wish. And for the love of God they need to check their closets for evil conniving  black hoodie wearing murderers! There has been more than one occasion where that’s where A was hiding. Did they never read mystery novels as children? Like Nancy Drew, for instance?

Lastly, what’s up with all the gorgeous older men in that town falling in love with a bunch of teenage girls? Is there something in the water? Because I mean damn, that’s super illegal kids.

I have to keep watching it, though. They’ve sucked me into the void! I can’t not know who A is…shame on you, ABC Family!

Let’s All Play a Game…the Quiet Game.

Posted on by
8

TETRRF-00013265-001I literally cannot express my thankfulness and happiness that summer is just around the corner.

I’ve become this people-hating blonde monster. You think I’m kidding. I’m not. We have this patio inside our school, which is where a lot of people go in the morning to hang out…a lot of people who never stop to breathe. They just keep talking and talking. They never stop talking, ever.

I know they have freedom of speech, but can’t they have freedom of speech in a quieter voice? Why must they yell everything they say? I know too much about some guy’s girlfriend problems, and I now know where some kid in my math class gets his drugs. One would think they would want to keep that a secret from the police roaming the hallway? But they keep yelling, and I keep shaking my fist.

Even with some of my friends, I want to tell them that we should all just play the quiet game! I would really enjoy it if there were one day where everyone at school played the quiet game. It would be great.

Oh, and the lunch room is the worst. Everyone acts like a bunch of orangutans on acid! Everyone is all over the place. They’re yelling,dancing, throwing food, and scratching their buttocks! Shouldn’t you be eating? With your mouth closed? And sitting? Just keep eating! No need to talk! Y’all there are about two hundred people in my lunch, so it gets loud. Not kind of loud, but migraine in the making kind of loud. Oh my, I sound like a surly old man who wishes for the neighbor children to be abducted by aliens.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy talking to people..usually. But spending nine months with the same people, listening to them just endlessly talk, is mind-numbing. I wouldn’t mind if they talked about something interesting or if they were entertaining, but no. They talk about Manga, video games, and oh God…basketball. I just want to hit them upside the head with an iron skillet and tell them all to shh!

Only four more weeks, I can do this. I have faith. The force is with me.

Hormonal Fiends.

Posted on by
Reply

Yesterday, while trying to quickly finish my Spanish assignment before the last bell rang, I overheard a conversation between a group of fiendish hormonal boys. They were discussing what they liked in their “chicks,” but did any of it have to do with personality? Whatsoever? No. It only had to do with the size of the girl’s breasts and arse. Because apparently that’s the only important thing when it comes to dating a girl.

These boys are about fourteen, they’re tiny whippersnappers and they’re talking about how they’re only interested in having sex with girls and nothing else. I’m just sitting there thinking that how in the world are they going to have sex? They can’t drive, they’re literally five feet tall, they have the worst body odor, and I would bet my life that they would pee themselves if given a sexual opportunity. But most of all, what self-respecting girl would go out with them? They’re dogs. Rabid, hormonal, degrading, dogs.

They talked about girls as if our only purpose in life is to be attractive to them. It felt like I had transported back to early Qing China, where the woman’s only purpose was to be pretty and have children.

I was literally about to thrash them upside the head with my textbook.
But then the bell rang.
Lucky for them.