Tag Archives: blogging

I Need a Job for the New Year, Please.

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I’ve come to the sudden realization that I’m a complete and utter moocher of others. I mooch off of my splendid pesky parents, my friends, and my cute barista(or is it baristo?). So basically, I mooch off of everyone I know and I’m putting my size eight foot down, this instant.

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By putting my foot down, I’m now out in search of a job. A minimum wage paying job. Any job will do. Of course, I would much rather prefer to work in places like The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf or The World Market rather than McDonalds and Burger King. Places where I won’t have any chance of smelling like ketchup, as well as  accidentally tripping into a deep vat of boiling grease. Trust me, I would be the one person that would happen to.

In addition, I honestly want to like the job. Which is a lot to ask for I know, but I don’t want to dread going to work like so many of my working friends do. I want to enjoy the work I do, even if it’s only folding clothes and standing at a cash register,while getting yelled at by an unhappy middle aged customer. Angry customers and tedious tasks will be at every job, but good coworkers won’t be. Coworkers either make or break the level of enjoyment in a job, at least that’s my observation from being at Starbucks everyday.

It shouldn’t be too hard to find a good job, right? Right.

Hormonal Fiends.

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Yesterday, while trying to quickly finish my Spanish assignment before the last bell rang, I overheard a conversation between a group of fiendish hormonal boys. They were discussing what they liked in their “chicks,” but did any of it have to do with personality? Whatsoever? No. It only had to do with the size of the girl’s breasts and arse. Because apparently that’s the only important thing when it comes to dating a girl.

These boys are about fourteen, they’re tiny whippersnappers and they’re talking about how they’re only interested in having sex with girls and nothing else. I’m just sitting there thinking that how in the world are they going to have sex? They can’t drive, they’re literally five feet tall, they have the worst body odor, and I would bet my life that they would pee themselves if given a sexual opportunity. But most of all, what self-respecting girl would go out with them? They’re dogs. Rabid, hormonal, degrading, dogs.

They talked about girls as if our only purpose in life is to be attractive to them. It felt like I had transported back to early Qing China, where the woman’s only purpose was to be pretty and have children.

I was literally about to thrash them upside the head with my textbook.
But then the bell rang.
Lucky for them.

You Should Get That Checked, It Could be Cancerous!

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I’ve grown up in a household where the crimson textbooks full of infectious diseases and parasites were the normal things to read about. Because every seventh grader wants to know about parasites, didn’t you know? So why my family laughs whenever I tell them they might have a cancerous mole on their thigh  is beyond me.  They really should have seen this coming.

Cancerous mole you say? Well yes, you could very well have a mole full of evil on you!If one of your moles is oddly shaped,changes colors( from black to brown, not pink to green…), or if it’s scaly! Whenever I see a mole resembling something of that sort I feel the need to tell the people around me that their mole is cancerous. I don’t want them wandering about town with a giant mole of death on them! It’s really the polite thing to do.

Now that I’m thinking about it, just before my dad’s last dermatologist appointment I told him he should get the mole on his neck checked…and guess what happened when he went to the dermatologist? She removed it! She said she didn’t like the looks of it, that it might be CANCEROUS.

So moral of the story,everyone should listen to me when I tell them they might have a mole full of cancer on them. I’m obviously a cancerous mole whisperer.