Y’all, I fully believe that I was accepted into Hogwarts.

I have a theory that someone else received my acceptance letter, because you know their postal services aren’t very reliable. I mean what if my owl was blind? It could have accidentally sent it to the next door neighbor’s chimney, or flew into a tree and someone else found it! There is that saying “Finders, Keepers, Losers Weepers.” In Texas, that one is almost more important than The Golden Rule.

And now, they have taken my identity. I am a victim of identity theft! We must all find the culprit, and turn their muggle head into an oxen’s buttocks! Then, I shall be able to resume my identity. My identity as The Greatest Wizardress on Earth. But oh no, since the person who took my name is a muggle, then they’re literally going to be the worst Wizard ever…or they’re dead by now.They have probably dragged my respectable name through the mud!

But that’s not all, I think that I’ve put a spell on my math teacher to give me good grades…so really, it would be the best if I went away…to Hogwarts! Where they could make sure I didn’t tell everyone of their existence…but oh wait…that’s too late isn’t it? Muahaha! They must take me in now!

Five points for Hufflepuff!

Also, I really just want to fight an evil twenty foot snake and save the world from the biggest and baddest wizard ever known…is that really too much to ask?